Finding needy children a new family ... for life

12:37pm Thursday 20th November 2008

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Angelina Jolie and Madonna have turned adoption into a globe-trotting, glamorous must-have.

In the process, they have done what no adoption agency in the UK would have allowed. They have separated children from their cultural roots when there appears to have been no need. At least, not for the children.

That they did not apply to adopt in the UK or US suggests they could have been turned down. Today, being there and having an understanding heart count more than loadsamoney.

But it wasn’t always like that.

When society’s take on itself was 2.4 children and unmarried mums were anathema, the adoption rules were not only rigid but limiting.

Until the 1970s, only married couples could adopt, the husband had to have a job and there were age restrictions.

“But society changed,” said Tony Sharp, Essex County Council’s adoption service manager.

“Before the beginning of the 1970s, the bulk of children put up for adoption were babies born out of wedlock.

“But attitudes have changed a great deal since then. Now there is not so much of a stigma for a woman to have a child and not be married. Today only a small percentage are babies put forward by birth mothers. The rest are children who have been in the care system and made the subject of care orders.”

These children are damaged – physically, mentally, emotionally, sometimes all three.

“And those who want to adopt have got to be aware of that,” said Mr Sharp.

He wasn’t trying to put people off – last week’s National Adoption Week saw a big rise in enquiries in Essex – but he is trying to be realistic. These children have been through the mill – and some.

Before the care orders, many would have known nothing but violence and neglect. Like baby P. Unlike baby P, the children who make it to care orders have a chance.

“But a care order does not automatically mean adoption,” said Mr Sharp. “Where that child is to live is an important decision, and if we can restore the child back to his family – if not the mother or father, then close relatives – we will do. If not, other options may be better than adoption – long-term fostering, special guardians.”

Adoption, though, is seen as one of the best ways forward for many children in care. David Holmes, chief executive of the campaigning agency, the British Association for Adoption and Fostering (BAAF), said it is “a sad fact” there are children who cannot live with their birth families, because of neglect, abuse or because their parents are unable to cope.

“Adoption is one of the best ways we know of giving these children a new family for life,” he said. “Some of them have had traumatic experiences, others have learning difficulties or health problems, and it’s crucial that loving and permanent families are found for them.”

There are no longer blanket bans on who can and cannot adopt. Single people, same-sex couples – and there is no over-the-adoption hill at 40.

“But, despite the changes in who can adopt, some things have not changed,” said Mr Sharp. “Nationally, and in Essex, boys tend to wait longer than girls to be adopted, mainly because of the firmly held belief that boys are more difficult.

“Also, once the child is older than seven or eight, it is very difficult to find adoptive parents. At that age, the child will have had regular contact with the birth parents, and that would make it difficult to accept another family taking their place.”

The adoption order severs the legal relationship with the child’s natural parents. But it doesn’t cut the emotional ties; nor should it.

“As these children grow older, they will want to know more about their birth families and may want contact,” he said. “The child’s history must never be denied.”

And, he could have added, neither must their cultural roots.

WHAT YOU MUST HAVE TO ADOPT

• Acceptance – the child has another family
• Reasonable health
• Understanding – the child will have had difficult experiences which cannot be ignored and which must be worked through
• Sensitive to the child’s cultural or religious background
• Sense of humour
• Over 21 – no upper age limit, but common sense not to have too big an age gap between the child and the adoptive parents
• Status – no longer have to be married; single people can now adopt. In 2007, five single people and three same-sex couples adopted in Essex
• Anyone interested in finding out more about adoption in Essex can call 0800 801530, or visit adoptessex.org.uk which also gives details of monthly adoption information meetings in Chelmsford.

ADOPTION FACTFILE

• Essex Adoption Agency is part of Essex County Council Children’s Social Care.

Each year, it places between 60 and 70 children with adoptive parents. The children’s average age is five.

It receives about 60 inquiries and an average 30 people attend the monthly adoption information meetings.

• The British Association for Adoption and Fostering (BAAF) is a campaigning body which aims to raise awareness of adoption and encourage potential parents to come forward.

For more information about BAAF, call 020 7421 2600.